Happy First Day of Spring

10 Reasons Why I Love Spring

1. The over abundance of flowers

2. Green grass hills

3. Easter (it has always been my favorite holiday)

4. Perfect weather (not too cold & not too hot)

5. The annual family trip to Chico (it is always a memorable time)

6. My Birthday (April 25)

7. Hiking (it is the perfect time to go)

8. Sun roof is constantly open (perfect time to catch some rays in the car)

9. Spring Cleaning (in with the new & out with the old)

10. Fresh Fruit (I love spring season fruit)

Happy First Day of Spring!

Super Stressed Out

Have you ever been so stressed out that you don't know what to do.

Well I am there right now.

Work is crazy. Plain and simple just crazy.

It started with a huge case I was working on... I was the one who did all of the leg work, gathered all evidence, and did all of the prep work for the case. When it came time for the interview I was not included. I know this may sound lame, but being involved in the interview process is huge. I felt like I had earned the right to be apart of it. But I wasn't. I was not allowed to be part of it. I was so disappointed, and frustrated. It made me question why I was even doing what I am doing...

Now that the case is over, I have gotten the recognition I needed from my corporate boss. But never got the recognition from the people I work with on a daily basis. When I told my manager I needed that, she responded with "I have nothing to compair you to, so I don't know if you did a good job." Really? You have got to be kidding me right now! That alone made me so mad! All I want is for you to tell me I did a good job, (because I did!) and I would be happy doing all of your work for you.

So let me back up a little. My boss is new to this field and doesn't know anything about what I do. How she is my boss and not know what I do is beyond me, but she is. Ok I can deal with that. But I cant deal with her blaming me for things she didn't do. She is the manager, and she is responsible for deadlines, reports, etc. If she doesn't know to do them that is not my responsibility. I am not going to train up. That is not my job. My job is to train the people below me to get them to where I am. Right?

So now that she got in trouble with corporate for a big mistake she made, by not doing a report on time, it is all my fault. No its not, and its frustrating. Now she is out to get me fired. Well that's how I feel.

Every step I make she is watching, waiting for me to make a mistake. I can tell you that I will never get in trouble for the things I do, but I will get in trouble for the things I say.

This is an area of opportunity that I can clearly see and I know that I need to work on.

She knows this too, and is not following me around with a fine tooth comb looking for things that I say that she could get me fired for. Example: one of the guys that works for me cant count cash. Point blank, and simple, he cant count cash. I think he is dyslexic, but hasn't said that to me. But I am almost 99% sure that is what it is. So we obviously know that is not his strong quality. So when I make the schedule I make it 100% even, we all have the same amount of openings as we do closing. Now with rotation one person will have 8 openings and one with have 9 openings. That's totally normal. So when I made the schedule I gave the guy who cant count 8 openings and and the guy who can 9. Normal right. Not to her, she pulled me aside and asked me why I was singling out the guy who cant count. Why I was not being fair in the scheduling. Come on really? So ok I switched it so he has 9 and the other guy has 8, then she was happy.

I just really don't get it. I really don't. I am at a point where I am walking on eggshells everyday. I had my other boss (my boss's boss) come up to me and ask me why I am so quiet lately. I looked at him and asked him if he really wanted me to explain that to him. He knows what is going on, and is neutral on the subject, he isn't on my side or on her side. That's good I guess, he sees both sides. I just couldn't believe he would have the nerve to ask that. Why am I so quiet, well let me tell you, because my boss wants me fired, so now I am not going to say anything until I am spoken to and even when that happens I am not going to say anything other then yes or no.

All of this had made me question why I am still working there. I know my boss wants me out. I know this truly in my soul that she does. I just need to figure out what I am going to do now.

I feel like this is a test of life. And I don't know where to go.

Last week she put me on a performance plan. Saying the my performance in the ability to do my job was not good enough. This is the first step in getting me out. When she delivered the performance plan it took me by complete surprise. There was no previous conversations about it, nothing. I was just called into her office and told that I was being placed on a performance plan. With no warning. Obviously I was a little taken back and had thousands of questions. She told me to take some time write my questions down and then come back and she would answer them for me. By this time it was 4:25 and I still needed to take my last break. So I did, I took my break to calm down and to fully get a grip on what just happened. So when I came back I sat down and started to write out my questions. Not even 5 minutes later she called me back into her office and told me that I needed to sign the performance plan before I left at 5. WTF? If I didn't sign the document it would go in my file as refusing to sign the document. Really? You take me by complete surprise, tell me I am now on a plan to better my performance, and then tell me I have to sign it, without getting my questions answered, and without completely understanding why this is even happening in the first place. This is not fair.

Needless to say I didn't sign the document. I wrote on there that I am not refusing to sign the document, but was requesting more time to review the document and have my questions answered before I signed stating that I understood the document. At this point I still don't understand the document. So I made a formal complaint with our corporate HR (ethics point) because I truly believe it was unethical to give me  a performance plan with no notice, and not explain why I am now on a performance plan. She wouldn't explain why I was being put on a performance plan, or why she thought that I was unable to perform my job good enough. She just told me that is was outlined in the document. Really? This is completely unethical.

So now you can see why I am a little stressed out right? Am I in the wrong here? I just don't get it. I don't understand how you became a manager, and do this to people... This also happened to another manager. They put her on a performance review and fired her a month later... I have a feeling this is going to happen to me, and I don't know how to stop it. I truly don't know what to do. The are not explaining anything to me, and when I tell them I need more time to review what is happening they tell me that it is a refusal to sign the document. Which I am sure doesn't look good in my file. Right? Refusing to sign something probably looks really bad, and I am sure now that I didn't sign it they can fire me for that... That is why I made a complaint with corporate. They  cant out of the blue give me a performance plan, give me 15 minutes to review the document, not answer any of my questions and expect me to just go along with it and sign it. That's wrong right? I mean I totally feel like I am being ganged up on, but I don't know. Maybe they can do that, maybe it is totally legal to do that. I don't know.

Anyways, I don't know what is going to happen. I feel like I am going to go into work today and loose my job. It is not a good feeling.

I know and trust that God has a plan, but man at this point I have no idea what it is or where this is going...